Yesterday was a very angry day-- like everything that's been upsetting, bothering, and angering me (whether I was cognizant of it or not) came exploding out. It was already starting to leak out the past few days, but I guess the dam crumbled yesterday. Since I think what has been getting at me is worth posting on the Internet, here we go.
If I sound unfair and cruel, understand that I might not necessarily really mean something quite that cruelly. I am ranting, getting it out of my system, so don't cry at me about something.
1. Lazy, obese, moon-faced local people of Socorro! You neither have drive, nor can you. No place else have I seen people of such fatness, your bellies hanging below your groins. You are sick, stupid people, and any love I should have for you I frankly do not have at this moment.
2. New Mexico Tech-- currently, I hate you too. You claim to sharpen our minds, but no, you beat them into wounded, weeping pulp. Right now, given how I feel (oh you feelings and senses, can I ever trust you?), you have TAUGHT ME NOTHING. You have not taught me as much about electronics, the Earth and its crustal movements and minerals, space, physics, chemistry, technical communication, or math as I would have liked. You have taught me some of these things, but not to the depth I should have liked at all, and when I try to remember what I've learned, my brain feebly recalls that at one point it KNEW more of these things. You break my heart and my soul, Tech. Never before have I felt such a crushing pressure to Be an Engineer, to destroy the creativity and "artsyness" in my heart, and to be a gosh-damned Einstein by the age of 21.You have tried, for five years, to squash my joy for learning and for the world. You try to eliminate my love for art, because "artsyness" is obviously an evil.
You break, but do not destroy me.
But you know what? You've taught me some very valuable things. You've taught me that I am not an engineer, and I do not want to be an engineer. You've taught me to question and test what I know, and why. You've taught me to defy your crushing opposition to who I am, your attempts to mold me into a thing I am not. You've taught me that I value life and experience more than caged academia. I may lose my honors status, but I will be alive, and I will graduate, and I can still be a successful human being without your nonsense of GPAs, awards, and papers.
You've also, despite your best efforts, taught me how valuable the people in one's life are. I have learned many things from these people, and, as much as this may anger you, I have learned more from my philosophy and humanities classes than from your "smart" classes.
Is this senioritis? No. I have felt this way for a long, long time, and it's now bubbling forth. "I am in a froth! I AM FROTHING!" I have two words for you, New Mexico Tech, but I shall save them for later, perhaps for graduation. Instead, I will quote a peer, a teacher, and friend: "You will prevail." Me. Not you, NMT.
If I sound unfair and cruel, understand that I might not necessarily really mean something quite that cruelly. I am ranting, getting it out of my system, so don't cry at me about something.
1. Lazy, obese, moon-faced local people of Socorro! You neither have drive, nor can you. No place else have I seen people of such fatness, your bellies hanging below your groins. You are sick, stupid people, and any love I should have for you I frankly do not have at this moment.
2. New Mexico Tech-- currently, I hate you too. You claim to sharpen our minds, but no, you beat them into wounded, weeping pulp. Right now, given how I feel (oh you feelings and senses, can I ever trust you?), you have TAUGHT ME NOTHING. You have not taught me as much about electronics, the Earth and its crustal movements and minerals, space, physics, chemistry, technical communication, or math as I would have liked. You have taught me some of these things, but not to the depth I should have liked at all, and when I try to remember what I've learned, my brain feebly recalls that at one point it KNEW more of these things. You break my heart and my soul, Tech. Never before have I felt such a crushing pressure to Be an Engineer, to destroy the creativity and "artsyness" in my heart, and to be a gosh-damned Einstein by the age of 21.You have tried, for five years, to squash my joy for learning and for the world. You try to eliminate my love for art, because "artsyness" is obviously an evil.
You break, but do not destroy me.
But you know what? You've taught me some very valuable things. You've taught me that I am not an engineer, and I do not want to be an engineer. You've taught me to question and test what I know, and why. You've taught me to defy your crushing opposition to who I am, your attempts to mold me into a thing I am not. You've taught me that I value life and experience more than caged academia. I may lose my honors status, but I will be alive, and I will graduate, and I can still be a successful human being without your nonsense of GPAs, awards, and papers.
You've also, despite your best efforts, taught me how valuable the people in one's life are. I have learned many things from these people, and, as much as this may anger you, I have learned more from my philosophy and humanities classes than from your "smart" classes.
Is this senioritis? No. I have felt this way for a long, long time, and it's now bubbling forth. "I am in a froth! I AM FROTHING!" I have two words for you, New Mexico Tech, but I shall save them for later, perhaps for graduation. Instead, I will quote a peer, a teacher, and friend: "You will prevail." Me. Not you, NMT.
5 comments:
This is exactly how I've felt for a long time. I absolutely cannot wait to get out of here. Not much longer!
Exactly right Hat, Tech is a bad place, with some good people and a few decent programs, but overall the place destroys much of a persons very essence. I left for exactly these same reasons, before they could completely wreck me.
There's the overwhelming thought that if you're not doing certain things like working as a TA while taking 18 credit hours in chemical engineering (or whatever), plus doing your research, you're an idiot.
If you're not doing all these things, if you're not at the top of the pile, you're a failure. You're an idiot, etc. etc. It's awful, because IT'S NOT TRUE. And Tech touts it as true.
"You've taught me to question and test what I know, and why. You've taught me to defy your crushing opposition to who I am, your attempts to mold me into a thing I am not. You've taught me that I value life and experience more than caged academia."
This is great truth, outside of just academia; In any caged environment, and there are many. Perhaps the most powerful lesson anyone can learn, the most enabling. With the will to, and knowledge that you can and must, test, and defy, and remain true to your self, you will be undefeated always. You will, indeed, prevail.
The only thing you learn in college is how strong you are.....
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