Visualizing Nothingness—Angst, Nausea, and the Overman through Photographs

Even if I'm technically finished with school (until I go back, anyway), it's incredibly satisfying to be finished with a final project and to like it. Following is my "mission statement" (in quotes because the credibility of such a name is dubious to me), the six photographs I used, the quotes that accompanied each photo and the set in general, and several photos showing the whole setup. I realize that sadly perhaps a lot of the context/presence of suspended photos is lost in blog format, but alas.

Why do we find ourselves creating meaning and structure for our world? We may find ourselves, occasionally, wondering why things are set up as they are. Existential philosophers such as Soren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, and Jean-Paul Sartre would challenge the assertion that our world has inherent structure. Indeed, they would suggest that such an assertion is a human fabrication designed to impose meaning and structure on an otherwise senseless world; it is precisely this imposition, however, that takes away our will to act as completely free agents.

The response to knowing one has complete free will and that all structure is meaningless can be overwhelming: Kierkegaard called this Angst, Sartre called it Nausea, Nietzsche classified it as the beginnings of the Overman—the person who has become their own master—and all are reactions to knowing one has complete free will and complete responsibility, all are reactions for when traditional points of reference are exposed as potentially false and taken away.

My purpose for this project, then, is to present the concepts of Angst, Nausea, and the Overman through photography. I intend to explore how the uses of shape, light, shadow, overall contrast, and perspective can create an understanding of these Existentialist concepts. To further aid this endeavor, I am not tacking the photos to the wall—I am, instead, choosing to suspend them in the air. While there is certainly a visual appeal to this choice, it aptly helps to illustrate the idea that we have no restrictions and hang in nothingness. Additionally, quotes from Kierkegaard, Sartre and Nietzsche accompany the photographs to help explain what the Existential undertones are.

Here are a few photos of the display (pardon them being cell phone shots):

 testing to see if the weight of the photos would pull down the hanger wires, plus sign asking the hangers not be removed... which they almost were

 testing, different angle

...and with the quotes

The following are the photos in the display. Some I have posted before, certainly without the intention of using them in the project until I realized that I could use them.

 ...one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. I say unto you: you still have this chaos in yourselves. From Thus Spake Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche (this is a reprint of the accidental double exposure I made. took a while, but I had to get the contrast fixed)

 Once you label me you negate me. Soren Kierkegaard

 What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not an end: what can be loved in man is that he is an overture and a going under. From Thus Spake Zarathustra, Nietzsche

 ...Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom, which emerges when the spirit wants to posit the synthesis and freedom looks down into its own possibility, laying hold of finiteness to support itself. From The Concept of Anxiety, Kierkegaard.

 Your bad love of yourselves turns your solitude into a prison. From Thus Spake Zarathustra, Nietzsche

 Freedom is exile. Jean-Paul Sartre

And, finally, the three quotes I had attached to the wall with the photos as a set. I wanted dearly to use them, because they help give better context to the set of photos and my project, and the last one not only fits the presentation of the photos but is simply beautiful. All are from Sartre:

Existence precedes and rules essence. 

From Being and Nothingness

Life has no meaning, a priori... it is up to you to give it a meaning, and value is nothing but the meaning that you choose. From Being and Nothingness

I exist. It is soft, so soft, so slow. And light: it seems as though it suspends in the air. It moves. From Nausea

鏡/visualizing Angst

One of the purposes (perhaps the purpose, given how things flow into one another) of my project is to try and visually represent Angst. Why I opened my big mouth I might never know, but here's one of the photographs I've chosen.

"Anxiety may be compared with dizziness. He whose eye happens to look down into the yawning abyss becomes dizzy. But what is the reason for this? It is just as much in his own eye as in the abyss, for suppose he had not looked down. Hence, anxiety is the dizziness of freedom, which emerges when the spirit wants to posit the synthesis and freedom looks down into its own possibility, laying hold of finiteness to support itself. Freedom succumbs to dizziness. Further than this, psychology cannot and will not go. In that very moment everything is changed, and freedom, when it again rises, sees that it is guilty. Between these two moments lies the leap, which no science has explained and which no science can explain. He who becomes guilty in anxiety becomes as ambiguously guilty as it is possible to become." Kierkegaard, The Concept of Anxiety p. 61

 By the way, anxiety is the same as Existential Angst, pronounced "ahngst," not "aynkst."

hanging photos, 1

I decided that for Thursday's final I want my photos hanging away from the wall. There were several reasons behind this decision: It's different; It will hopefully help drive home the idea of Nausea/Anxiety and lack of restrictions; It's more interesting this way. All of these reasons are true, one of them is more sound than the others.

Since it would probably be more of a headache than I care for to hang the photos from the lighting rails 10" in the air, I rearranged two wire coat hangers that I can affix to the tops of the padded boards along the walls. I plan on hanging the photos from these wires using fishline and clips:

 Materials I'll use: Leatherman, fishline, electrical tape, binder clips, coat hangers.

Coat hangers, unbent and plied as I'd like them. Each is about 2.5' long.

 

Closeup of ends. I'd prefer not to accidentally tear whatever these might poke into.

Each photo is going to be framed in a white matt(e?), since any other color would be distracting in this case. I'll hopefully get some shots of the finished product, because sometimes I like to show off. Either way, expect a nice long writeup of what the final project is (I believe this is called a "mission statement," but that sends wild thoughts into my head so you can also say it's an attempt at explaining myself), replete with photos of the whole business as well as the actual photos I'm using in the project. So many photos, whatever shall I do.

I'm pretty sure this general project will be an ongoing theme.

Lockers

This is one photo I plan on using in my "Existential photography" final project. If you're wondering how this might at all fit, you'll find out next week when I write up a good long post about the 5 (or 7, we'll see) photos and Existentialism.

One of the comments I received today as per this topic was "Existentialism always has struck me as... depressing." Excellent, I say, because this seems to be the common response to Existentialism. Oh hey, Angst, didn't see you there.

The next few days will be busy with going through Also Sprach Zarathustra and existentialism is a humanism, and possibly (parts of) The Sickness Unto Death.

Windows

More stark lines, and as with the other photos of stark lines it's not necessarily clear if the photo's been rotated or not.

Ah, windows.

As a note, I've settled on the following topic for my photo final: restrictions, or lack thereof, and subsequently how we perceive our world. I figured I'd use strong light/shadow combinations. Specific thoughts on what to take photos of have, so far, involved photograms, overshadowed pools of water with cleverly used lighting, and silhouettes in frames. Note that this whole idea stemmed from my insane response of "Existential photography," and thus stems from ideas about Angst/the Abyss/free will/total responsibility/etc.

I am looking for feedback on the project, and if you have a suggestion for what to take a photo of or anything, tell me.

By the way, if you don't actually know what Existentialism is in any fashion, please look it up. I'm tired of getting silly responses for what is "Existential." People have no idea what it means. Don't feel bad, I didn't either until I started studying it.

Unedited B&W Prints 1 and Existentialism?

After an hour and a half of fighting scanners, I have prints to share with you. Unedited prints, hurray, meaning they're really just tests.

Also, today I was asked what my final photo 1 project will be. The first thing to come popping out of my big mouth was "Existential photography," as if that was a very normal subject and how I'd do this was quite obvious.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Potential ideas are: pulling quotes from Thus Spake Zarathustra and taking photos to match up with them; taking photos of the Existential concepts if free will (Angst and the Uebermensch included, naturally), "...Man is not yet a self," and "Existence precedes essence."


What to do.

Here are some contact strips of photos I'd like to develop. Please note, as I have with great joy, that I got a photo of the baby engineer. I'm unreasonably excited about that; he kept moving so fast I had a hard time getting him in focus but I GOT HIM. I swear, he's like seven years old and is already very much an engineer. Note also the lovely pieces of strong, abstract lines.

Free at last, free at last

And quite suddenly it's over and done with, just like that. Poof, bang, gone. The past five years have been quite interesting and good, and are suddenly and simply done.

It's a really weird feeling.

One of the best things is the ability to remember everything and everyone. Of course, I still have friends I will be visiting now and then, so that encroaches on any really solid sense of finality I was expecting. Then again, that might be due largely in part to the fact that the first three days of graduated life were devoted to busily cleaning a house and yard, sometimes til 2400.

Anyways, I have a perhaps-obligatory "What I Learned in College" sort of blagh today. It's short. It may sound jaded and cynical, and I make no apologies.



-I'll be honest: the only reason I went to college was because I had no idea what else I would do with myself. It was, in fact, the best decision I think I could have made, and I'm overall very pleased with the past few years of life.

-After one semester, I found I had little to no patience for kids in high school. After doing my time at Tech, I've realized I have little to no patience for childishness in anyone, especially in people whose birth certificates claim them to be adults. I can no longer abide foolishness. As an aside, foolishness and being silly aren't necessarily equivalent. This realization has also pointed out to me that I can be a royal ass to people I'm not especially fond of. This is unfortunate.

-I learned what "flip cup" is, and that I have no particular interest in it whatsoever. Similarly, I learned what Johnny Walker and Wild Turkey are, and that they make for fantastic sipping drinks when accompanied by friends, a porch, and a cigar.

-On that note, friends are invaluable (see the last item in this list).

-"Know thyself." You must honestly evaluate and know yourself, know what you're like and not. Sometimes that involves killing your pride and getting over the pretense you've made of yourself, and that's good. Hard, yes, but good.

-Living in a house off campus can be a pain, but living on campus is worse. The responsibilities of house/yard maintenance and bill-paying are nothing compared to mandatory quiet hours, the inability to properly have guests or burn incense, and mandatory hall meetings. Plus: living off campus, you can escape the Swine Flu and the sororities (Two-Minutes Hate ENGAGE), and you can cook your own food. Living off campus will also teach you, if you have housemates, how to deal with the occasional crazy person.

-The world is both a good and a bad place. Fight accordingly.

-I learned to ask "Oh really?" A lot of things in life are fictions (thanks, Snake). We make stuff up and say it's important, like "You must go to college," "You have to do college in four years," "If you're not an engineer and you aren't in these organizations, aren't on the honor roll and don't do all these things, you're worthless and dumb," "Gotta make a lot of money," etc. GPA is meaningless. Doing college in four years? Also meaningless. Mocking people who transfer to other schools because they don't fit academically? New Mexico Tech, you're so arrogant. I thought the point was learning, not showing off.

-Drunk people are funny until they're in your house.

-I still have no idea what I'm "supposed to do with my life." I don't think we have to know that, because I think the notion that there's one thing you are supposed to do is very boring.

-The most important thing I learned was this: people are more important than academia. I fully encourage and emphasize learning and thinking, but none of that can replace people. Whether you like it or not (I don't entirely), you need people: the physical/emotional/financial/spiritual/mental support and encouragement; the help with homework; learning new things and understanding things better, the list goes on. People are really dumb and hateful, yes, but are also brilliant and wonderful. There is much to learn from people.

early spring adventure time, pt. 2

Some more photos from last month's amble.

Moving mountains, part 1

Yesterday was a very angry day-- like everything that's been upsetting, bothering, and angering me (whether I was cognizant of it or not) came exploding out. It was already starting to leak out the past few days, but I guess the dam crumbled yesterday. Since I think what has been getting at me is worth posting on the Internet, here we go.

If I sound unfair and cruel, understand that I might not necessarily really mean something quite that cruelly. I am ranting, getting it out of my system, so don't cry at me about something.


1. Lazy, obese, moon-faced local people of Socorro! You neither have drive, nor can you. No place else have I seen people of such fatness, your bellies hanging below your groins. You are sick, stupid people, and any love I should have for you I frankly do not have at this moment.

2. New Mexico Tech-- currently, I hate you too. You claim to sharpen our minds, but no, you beat them into wounded, weeping pulp. Right now, given how I feel (oh you feelings and senses, can I ever trust you?), you have TAUGHT ME NOTHING. You have not taught me as much about electronics, the Earth and its crustal movements and minerals, space, physics, chemistry, technical communication, or math as I would have liked. You have taught me some of these things,  but not to the depth I should have liked at all, and when I try to remember what I've learned, my brain feebly recalls that at one point it KNEW more of these things. You break my heart and my soul, Tech. Never before have I felt such a crushing pressure to Be an Engineer, to destroy the creativity and "artsyness" in my heart, and to be a gosh-damned Einstein by the age of 21.You have tried, for five years, to squash my joy for learning and for the world. You try to eliminate my love for art, because "artsyness" is obviously an evil.

You break, but do not destroy me.

But you know what? You've taught me some very valuable things. You've taught me that I am not an engineer, and I do not want to be an engineer. You've taught me to question and test what I know, and why. You've taught me to defy your crushing opposition to who I am, your attempts to mold me into a thing I am not. You've taught me that I value life and experience more than caged academia. I may lose my honors status, but I will be alive, and I will graduate, and I can still be a successful human being without your nonsense of GPAs, awards, and papers.

You've also, despite your best efforts, taught me how valuable the people in one's life are. I have learned many things from these people, and, as much as this may anger you, I have learned more from my philosophy and humanities classes than from your "smart" classes.

Is this senioritis? No. I have felt this way for a long, long time, and it's now bubbling forth. "I am in a froth! I AM FROTHING!" I have two words for you, New Mexico Tech, but I shall save them for later, perhaps for graduation. Instead, I will quote a peer, a teacher, and friend: "You will prevail." Me. Not you, NMT.

Thoughts on "Indie" and Girls vs. Women

I promised my thoughts on the above subjects, and here they are. Let's start with the thoughts on "Indie" stuff and then move to the Women/Girls topic. I dearly hope I offend someone with my thoughts, especially on the latter topic. Those are the best kind of thoughts.


You may have noticed the quotation marks around the word "Indie." This is, quite simply, because I don't think the whole "Indie" business is a valid art style. What, you disagree? Well, I really could be wrong, but the following mentions why, in short, I don't think it's a valid art form:

--The music seems to me to be born of several ideologies, including the "We don't want to be lumped in with any mainstream sort of music style, so we'll make up our own!" and "We don't know what the hell style this would be, so we'll call it "Indie"," and "We don't want to be called Emo, we have more musical taste than that. But we're still going to whine and complain about how much life sucks and our bitter black velvet hearts and all that, but dammit we're going to do it with real style."

(Now, this will probably lead me to have to mention Anberlin, one of my favorite bands, since I think they're classified as "Indie." I don't think they're "Indie," I think they classify as "Rock." This is because they're not whiny, and while not your typical classic rock (though they draw on elements from that), they definitely rock. I think they do their hair funny and stuff, but tall, lanky men with mussed hair, straight jeans and clean shirts seems to be en vogue everywhere anyhow. So there.)

--This kinda goes off of the music style idea, but I think wanting to not be classified as anything normal/mainstream doesn't qualify you to have your own music style. If it's a name-only thing, well, get over it. If you hate mainstream stuff that much, do something truly different. And for the love of, I dunno, something, stop whining.



Moving on to the topic of Women vs. Girls. I really must mention that I'm NOT a misogynist, even if I continuously crack jokes of that ilk. I just think they're marvelously sarcastic. I also am all for women having the same human rights as men, as we are all human. So here we go:

I absolutely can't stand girls.

I'm learning to treat them with love, but I really don't like them, and have, in the past, loathed them.

I do, however, love women.

I've always admired real women, and have always wondered why "female" did not always equal "woman."

Let's discuss- my topic here really hinges on definitions, and so I'll define what I'm talking about by "woman" and by "girl":

--By Girl I do not mean anything to do with age. Young girls (age-wise) can be women, since I do not think the traits of Woman or Girl have anything to do with one's age. Anyways, by Girl I mean the snotty, catty, pecking-order-queenish, mean kinds of female. The kind that are always evaluating everybody else out of jealousy and spite, always nit-picking insignificant things such as hair, weight, smell, clothes, yadda yadda (please note that I don't think that it's wrong to pay any attention to these things. I'm talking about obsession here).

The kind who (to my greatest personal disdain) refuse to get their pretty nails dirty and view men as either simpletons whose sole purpose in life is to be enticed and teased by pretty females or as complete misogynistic scum.

Girls are mean. Girls are nasty and cruel to everybody, male and female.

--Women, on the other hand, are entirely different. Let's use the good 'ole idea of Women in the Kitchen. You know (hopefully) what it's like to walk into the kitchen and your mom or aunt has baked something delightfully tasty? What you're coming into contact with isn't a Woman's Job or something like that, you're experiencing a bit of what a Woman is like: generosity, kindness, a care for people outside herself. Of course she didn't have to make you cookies. She just did.

Real women are people who are generous, kind, strong people who aren't afraid of getting their nails dirty, even broken, and put others first. They're capable and real- earthy and beautiful. Of course, getting fancy and dressed up happens, that's fine. But clothes and fanciness aren't what define a person, any person.



Some closing thoughts- Men share the same qualities as real women do, but I'm not here to discuss the differences between Men and Women (no one will ever understand- which, contrary to what people seem to think now, is great. More on that later). I wanted to briefly mention my definitions of Women and Girls, and my thoughts on them. Of course I didn't define what a Woman really is- that's too complex, same as trying to define a Man would be. I think I accomplished my goals for the moment.